So sick of it

My uniform for work is so fricken tight!  Every time I put it on it seems to get tighter and tighter.  They are rolling off my rolls and when I set they are soooo tight, in my belly and even my arms.  They're uncomfortable!  I look in the mirror and hate what I see!  My face is so fat it's not even pretty, even with my hair done and make up on.  It makes me so sad to see myself. I haven't been on the scale.  Not that I'm afraid, but that I'm just sick of the same old numbers that I see.  Up to 240, down to 230, up and down over and over. And yet I still eat and eat.  What is wrong with me?

 

I think of all the things I could be doing of I were thin or even just thinner.  I see all the cute clothes that I could be buying (you know E would let me), the way I'd feel so much better about myself, I'd feel prettier, lighter.  I think of the motorcycle I could be riding on the back of if only I were smaller, right now I'd not be so easy to ride around.  I think of all the activities that would be so much easier to do!  The running, the hiking, the snow shoeing, it would all be SO MUCH EASIER!! 

 

My main reason, as vain as it sounds, is that I want to look better and I would love to be able to BUY WHATEVER I WANTED AND LOOK CUTE!!  I'm so sick of my rolls sticking out, my clothes being not only the same ugly ones I've worn for literally YEARS but they are tight and boring and wearing out.  I can't even justify buying new ones because, why?  All the fat clothes are, face it, UGLY and so over priced. I'm so sick of looking blah and feeling uncomfortable.

 

I know that I've written this over and over before and I'm sick of hearing myself saying it but now it's time to do something about it.  I'm so sick of feeling fat and ugly. I need to remember that eating the way I do is making me miserable and is not helping in making me feel any better.  All the mindless over eating is making me fatter and fatter and I'm picking it over picking my life.